41. How To Start When You Feel Afraid (Transcript)

See Show Notes for This Episode

It’s the beginning of a new year and many of us have new goals and resolutions for the new year.

Some of you might be thinking of exploring a new career path, a new business opportunity, a side project or doing something creative, like writing a book, creating a painting or learning to play an instrument. 

Whatever the goal may be, I want this year to be the year that you make your goals and dreams happen! 

But starting something new brings up a lot of emotions that may get in the way of us achieving our goals. Doing something new takes a lot of courage. 

When you start, things may seem intimidating and you don’t even know how to start.  You feel insecure and not confident because you don’t have any experience. 

You might even be tempted to give it up altogether thinking… 

Will I be able to do a good job? What would other people think? What if I fail?

It’s very natural to feel like this. Every person who has achieved great things in life  have felt that way when they first started out.

In this episode, I share with you a simple three step process that will help you to address this very fear.

These are the lessons I learned from my own life while trying many things for the first time, and how I took the action even when I was afraid.  

1. Never compare your first try with the work of the masters.
2. Start where you are with what you have.
3. Do it for one person.

Listen to hear about the three simple and effective tips that will help you to overcome the fear and have the courage to start. 

Before we do that, I am really excited to tell you that I’m in the process of developing my first Online Course & Group Coaching program which will launch this year!

I had a very successful small group coaching program last year, and I decided to further develop it into a course.

In this new course, I’ll have weekly live sessions where you will learn everything I teach about how to do what you love, and how to create a fulfilling and meaningful career and life.

You will be part of an inspiring community of people who are going through a journey of transforming their careers and lives. There will be a lot of support and accountability to help you take action on your goals and dreams.

I’m now inviting a small group of people to join as a founding member. As a founding member, you will get many benefits which will include the lowest price that will ever be offered, and also 1:1 private coaching with me, and many other bonuses and benefits.  

And you’ll also be able to help me shape the course and take part in helping many people to change their careers and lives.

So If you are interested in learning more, just message on my website, celinalee.co/contact, that is celinalee.co/contact or just click the link for today’s show notes on your podcast app.

I’m only inviting a small group of people to be a founding member, so be sure to reach out soon, if you are interested in learning more about it.

Ok, on to the three steps!

Hi! Welcome to Live Your Dream podcast. My name is Celina Lee, and I’m a career and executive coach. I’m sharing inspirational stories from people who overcame rejections, and failures to achieve their dreams. I hope these stories will inspire you to have the courage to pursue your own dreams and live a life doing what you love. You’ll also hear about how I’ve transformed my own career from an investment banker and a corporate lawyer to becoming a coach which I believe is my calling. You’ll also learn the strategies I use to coach many professionals out of unfulfilling jobs and into careers they love.

It’s that time of the year when we’re thinking about new goals and resolutions for the new year. Perhaps you’re thinking about starting a side project, maybe a side business, or maybe you want to spend more time doing creative projects this year like writing painting. Or maybe this is the year you’re going to learn about a new industry. So you can finally make that career transition you’ve been thinking about. Whatever the goal may be, I want this year to be the year that you make your goals and dreams happen.

But starting something new brings up a lot of emotions that may get in the way of us achieving our goals. So today we’re going to talk about how to start when you feel afraid.

Before we start the show, I want to read you a review from one of my listeners. Mari wrote, 

 

The podcast that will chart you on the right course of life!

“It is a very lucky thing when you are able to find a podcast that you truly enjoy and resonate with, but also actually gives you the push to change something in your life for the better. Celina’s method of thinking holistically about your curiosities, paying attention to what you are good at and what you find meaningful is the answer to the question that I have been struggling to find throughout my life! 

Celina’s passion of helping people really shines through and the Live your Dream podcast is the perfect mix of inspiration and motivation to set you on the path of having a successful career as well as a fulfilling life. It is like taking a privileged peek behind the curtains to see how successful people were able to carve their own paths.

Celina also shares her personal experience throughout the series and it is incredibly encouraging when you realize that you are not the only one trying to discover what you are really meant to do in your life. So grateful for this podcast!”

Wow, thank you so much, Mari! You have no idea how happy I was, when I read your review, I read it over and over and over again. You totally made my day!

 

Doing this podcast is a labor of love. And I do it in the hope that it will inspire and help a lot of people. But I need your help. And writing me a review is the best way you can help me to grow my podcast, and have a chance to be discovered by new listeners.

So if you got any value or joy from my podcast, I would be so grateful if you can please write me a review. And I might give you a shout out in my future episode. And also, there’s something that I’m really excited about, and I wanted to tell you about it.

I’m in the process of developing my first Online Course & Group Coaching program which I will launch this year!

I had a very successful small group coaching program last year, and I decided to further develop it into a course.

In this new course, I’ll have weekly live sessions where you will learn everything I teach about how to do what you love, and how to create a fulfilling and meaningful career and life.

 

You will be part of an inspiring community of people who are going through a journey of transforming their careers and lives. There will be a lot of support and accountability to help you take action on your goals and dreams.

I’m now inviting a small group of people to join as a founding member. As a founding member, you will get many benefits which will include the lowest price that will ever be offered, and also 1:1 private coaching with me, and many other bonuses and benefits.  

And you’ll also be able to help me shape the course and take part in helping many people to change their careers and lives.

So If you are interested in learning more, just message on my website, celinalee.co/contact, that is celinalee.co/contact or just click the link for today’s show notes on your podcast app.

I’m only inviting a small group of people to be a founding member, so be sure to reach out soon, if you are interested in learning more about it.

 

Okay, so starting something is really exciting. But it can also feel intimidating and scary, especially when we’re about to do something that we’ve never done before, or don’t have a lot of experiences in.

At first, when we’re thinking about new goals or New Year’s resolutions, we’re really motivated and excited. But then our inner negative voice usually shows up and tells us “Who do you think you are to do that? No one is going to care about what you do and create! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

And then we start to compare ourselves with other people who are so amazing and talented in whatever it is that we want to do. And then we start to feel really bad about ourselves. And then we get discouraged. And then we don’t continue to take action. And then we quit.

Sound familiar? Well, we’ve all been there before, right? So if you have ever felt this way before, I want you to know you’re not alone. All these thoughts and feelings are completely normal and understandable because we’re human.

So then how do we start when we feel afraid? Well, that’s what we’re going to talk about in today’s episode.

I want to share with you three steps that will help you to start and keep going, even when you feel afraid.

 

1. Never compare your first try with the work of the masters.

When I was starting my podcast, it took me days to record my first episode, which was only like five minutes. It took me such a long time to prepare, write a script, practice and record. And I remember recording my first episode was incredibly hard. And it was so awkward, like trying to talk to people as if there’s people listening, even though I’m only just talking to a microphone, right? So I remember I had to literally visualize there’s a group of audience in front of me, and I’m just l talking to them. And even then it felt like really weird.

So I kept recording and re-recording, and the more I did it, like, the more awkward it got. Kind of like, you know, when you are posing for a picture and like your friend is taking a picture of you. The first time you have this smile, right? And then she like takes 10 different pictures of you, and then like your smile gets more and more awkward. Well, that’s kind of what happened.

Like the more and more I recorded, re-recorded, it kept getting even more awkward. So my first episode is really like cringeworthy. So now don’t go back and listen to it. Well, okay, fine. You can listen to it if you really want to. But then, as I was doing this, and I felt really bad about myself. And like, why am I so awkward? Why is this so hard? And then I remembered I was comparing myself to really successful podcasters. And I would listen to them and their podcasts and be like, wow, like, why can’t I sound more natural, like him or her.

 

And one of my favorite podcasts is How I Built This and the host is Guy Raz. And I would listen to him and think that wow, he sounds so natural. I feel like, he’s just like talking to me. How does he do that? What’s wrong with me that I can’t do it, right? And then I realized, like he’s been doing this for like, I don’t know, over like 20 years. He has been a journalist for NPR, I think for more than 20 years. So it’s really unfair for me to compare my first try with someone who has been doing this as part of his professional career for like, such a long time, right?

So I remember thinking that okay, maybe I should stop beating myself up so much, because this is like my first try, right?

I remember him talking about his experience of when he was just starting out that he was so nervous. I think he was doing this live NPR shows. And he was so nervous for like six weeks, and he was doing yoga every day and breathing exercises, and he couldn’t sleep for six weeks. And I was like, Oh my god, he is just like me, right?  And of course we don’t hear about that and we don’t get to see their bad work from their early days.

 

Well, there’s another story related to this that I also wanted to share with you today is years ago, I used to have a television talk show. And this is when I was really struggling to figure out my career path. And I was still working as a lawyer at the time. And I remember, I wasn’t sure if being a lawyer for the rest of my life is something that I wanted to do. But I frankly didn’t know what else I could do. So I decided that I was going to give myself the permission to just try for the things that brought me joy, even if it had nothing to do with my job or career at the time.

And perhaps because I was, opening myself up to these possibilities, I got an opportunity to host this talk show for a Korean American broadcasting television. And obviously, I’ve never done this, right? And I’ve never had any experience, interviewing people, working in front of camera, or anything like that working in television, right? So I thought about how could I really learn this and to become better at it? Because I was just starting out. And I live in New York City. So I thought, well, there’s so many great talk shows that are filmed in New York City. And I knew that a lot of them actually have these live tapings, where you could sign up to be part of the audience.

 

So I would go to all these different talk shows like Martha Stewart Show, Rachael Ray Show, Dr. Oz, the View, I mean, you name it, I was there, right. And of course, it was fun too but the main reason why I wanted to go was I really wanted to see the behind scenes of how these talk shows were being produced and filmed. So I would try to go to as many as I could. And I would pay attention to things like how the host interviews the person, the guest, how he or she would carry out the conversation, her body language, also how the set is designed, how they prepare and get the audience involved. I mean, I was paying attention to everything. I just wanted to see, like, how do these talk shows, how are they being filmed and produced, and I wanted to learn as much about it as possible.

And I remember when I went to the Martha Stewart show, I felt like she had like 100 people working for her to make her look good. Okay, maybe she had less than 100 people, but it just felt like a lot of people.

Before she would come out onto the stage, there were so many people like her staff or team members would make sure to prepare and plan everything in advance including things like making sure that  fruits and the food look perfect on the kitchen table. And they would do all these preparations. And she would just come out and she would have to just talk and do her thing. And there were all these people doing the preparation and work in advance to make sure that she looks great.

 

But as an audience, if you’re watching television and just watching her show, you wouldn’t knew that.

She just looks great, and she’s so good at what she does. So you don’t get to really see the behind scene. And if you have like 100 people, okay, maybe like 50 people working for you to make you look great. Of course, you’re going to look fantastic, right?

But we don’t have that when we’re just starting out, right? We have to do everything by ourselves. And we don’t have a huge team to make you look good. Like we actually don’t have anyone. We’re just doing it by ourselves. And we also don’t have any experience when we’re just beginning. So, when you’re starting out, please be kind to yourself and have some self-compassion because what’s important is having the courage to start.

In my last episode, Episode 40, the famous and successful designer Debbie Millman talked about why courage is more important than confidence, and I wanted to share with you that clip from our conversation.

 

“That people expect to have confidence in doing something that they’ve yet to do, is a falsehood of epic proportions. We just can’t ever expect to be confident doing something that we’ve either never done before or have only done a little bit. So I think that ultimately, courage to take the first step into the effort of trying something is much more important than confidence.

I think once you realize that you’re not going to be able to just achieve confidence. That you have to work for confidence, that the idea of stepping into that effort and taking that first step into the experience of trying will help develop confidence.”

If you haven’t yet listened to Debbie’s episode, it was a really inspiring conversation. And I think you’ll really enjoy it. So I’ll include the link into today’s show notes, celinalee.co/episode41 that is celinalee.co/episode41.

 

The people who look like masters in our eyes, if they had compared themselves to the masters of their time, that would have stopped them from keep showing up and trying again and again, and they would not be where they are now. Right?

So everybody starts with taking the first step. And I’m pretty sure their first try wasn’t very good. So if you are just getting started, please don’t compare your first try with the work of the masters. You’re not seeing all their bad work from the early days.

So I share this with all my clients, and one of my clients emailed me and said this,

“I wrote down something you said and turn to it often. Never compare your first try with the work of the masters. It took me a long time to realize that I was doing that. And it was not helping me at all, only making me feel bad. Those masters all had their first tries too which I’m sure were bad. No one is good when they’re just starting out. But we never get to see that.”

So getting this email from my client made me be really happy because I think it really summarizes how many of us are feeling when we’re just starting out. So please, never compare your first try with the work of the masters.

 

2. Start where you are with what you have.

When we have big goals and dreams, it can be really intimidating at first, and we may not even know where to begin. And this is one of the most common struggles I hear from people.

We get overwhelmed with big goals. And we don’t even know where to start.

I remember a very famous artist from Korea was telling me how, when he’s starting his massive scale art project, it can be really intimidating and scary at first.

So he shared with me what his mentor told him which he says he always remembers and follows

 

First, start with what’s easiest for you.

Second, then do what’s closest to you.

And third, do what you can do next.

 

So basically, I think what he was telling me was, start where you are with what you have. Because we actually don’t have to know all the steps in between. We just have to know the next step and take that step.

My favorite quote by the poet Rumi is, “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” And this really has been the guiding principle of my life. All the things I did, I didn’t know how to do them in the beginning, including writing my book, creating my community Give One Dream, which I started to help people pursue their dreams, starting this podcast, and also starting a business and becoming an entrepreneur.

 

So how did I do it? I just started from where I was, and took the next small action, I reached out to people I showed up, and I asked for help. And basically, I started where I was with what I had. And one small action after another eventually resulted in me achieving big dreams, which then led me to my next path, and then to an amazing journey of discovering my calling as a coach.

And after interviewing so many successful people, I’ve also discovered a similar pattern

The people who achieved incredible amount of success didn’t necessarily come from the privileged background, had the best education, or have the best network.

In most instances, the complete opposite was true. But they didn’t let their circumstances define them or prevent them from moving forward. They just went out and tried things. They just started, where they were, with what they had. And eventually, they became incredibly successful, and built very fulfilling and meaningful lives. So I hope you’ll remember this to start where you are with what you have.

 

3. Do it for one person.

Years ago, when I was writing my book, I read all these books about how to write. And one of the book was called, “If You Want To Write” by Brenda Ueland. And I remember this one paragraph that really spoke to me so I wanted to read it to you today. The author writes,

“all people who try to write become anxious, timid, contracted, become perfectionist, so terribly afraid that they may put something down that is not as good as Shakespeare.

And so no wonder you don’t write and put it off month after month, decade after decade. For when you write. if it is to be any good at all, you must feel free, free and not anxious. The only good teachers, for you are those friends who love you who think you’re interesting, or very important, or wonderfully funny, whose attitude is:

“Tell me more. Tell me all you can. I want to understand more about everything you feel and know. And all the changes inside and out. Let more come out.

And if you have no such friend, and you want to write, well then you must imagine one.”

I love this so much because when I was starting to write my book, I didn’t have a huge following, I actually had zero following. I’ve never written a book before, I had no experience writing and publishing anything before. So the odds were definitely against me. So it could have been really easy to let that thought of “who’s going to read my book” discouraged me from pursuing my dream of writing a book.

 

And I remember this paragraph from the book, “If You Want To Write” really spoke to me, and I understood it to mean that  write for one person who is really interested in what you have to say, who really loves you, and supports you and wants to see you succeed. So I wrote it for that one person.

And if you know my story, my book did very well. It got published by one of the best publishers in South Korea. It was read by not just one person, but by many more people than I could have ever imagined possible. And my life completely changed after that.

And interestingly enough, I also got a very similar advice from this very famous television broadcast journalist. This is when I was doing my talk show many years ago. And I was trying to learn how to not be so nervous and anxious and awkward in front of a camera.

Because I’ve never done this before. And this journalist who had years and years of experience working in television broadcasting gave me essentially the same advice. She said, to talk in front of the camera, for that one person who’s really interested in hearing what you have to say.

This can be a real person or an imaginary person, but he or she thinks my stories are really interesting, and is really excited to hear my stories. So that’s what I did. I was trying to just talk to that one person who was really excited and interested in hearing what I have to say.

And another advice that she gave me was to shift the focus from me to the person who’s hearing it. So rather than worrying about oh my god, how do I look? How do I sound? Am I doing okay? What would other people think about me? Stop thinking about that, but think about how am I going to either entertain people or educate them or inform them or make their day or inspire them through what I’m sharing with them. So this shifts the focus from me to how I am going to be in service to this person. So I really like this advice, too, because it really helped me to worry less and become less anxious.

 

So that’s the advice, do it for one person, write for one person, draw for one person and create for one person who really wants to see, read and experience what you create and wants to see you succeed.

Writing my book was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I remember when I was writing it, I thought, if one day, my book gets published, and it’s read by at least one person, it helps him or her live life with more positivity, or it inspires them, pursue their dreams, or, helps them in their life in some way, all my effort would have been totally worth it.

So that’s what I did when I also started my podcast, I did the same thing. I actually didn’t know who would listen, because I’ve never done this before. But I just imagined and talked to that one person who was really interested in hearing the stories that I was sharing. And I knew that if it could just help one person, then all my effort would have been worth it.

And many years later, now I have listeners from over 100 countries around the world listening. Oh my God, I just can’t believe it.

So when you’re starting out, just do it for one person and you may be surprised to find that you may help and impact many more people than you could have ever imagined.

 

Okay, so just as a recap, if you feel afraid when you start, please remember to

1. Never compare your first try with the work of the masters.
2. Start where you are with what you have.
3. Do it for one person.

 

Okay, so I hope what I’ve shared with you today is helpful to you.

And all the resources I mentioned including the book I talked about will be in the show notes for today’s episode. Go to celinalee.co/episode41 that is celinalee.co/episode41 or just click on today’s show notes from your podcast app.

If you’re looking for guidance on how to find happiness and fulfillment in your career, I put together a guide to the three steps to finding true career fulfillment. In this guide, I share the three common themes of the people who have achieved incredible amount of success and if you find what those three things are for you, I can guarantee you that you’ll not only have a successful career, but also a very fulfilling life. So if you want to check it out, you can download it by clicking on today’s show notes on your podcast app or on my website, celinalee.co that that is celinalee.co

If you liked this episode, I would be so grateful if you can tell your friends about it and also please write me a review. This is the best way you can help me to grow my podcast so more people can find out about it.

I actually check several times a day to see if there’s a new review, I know it’s kind of funny, and this is how I know you are listening and what I’m creating is helpful for you. 

So if you want to make my day, please write me a review on your podcast app, and I’d be so grateful.

 

And as I’ve shared with you at the beginning of the episode, if you are interested learning about becoming a founding member of my new online course and group coaching program, please send me a message on my website, celinalee.co/contact that is celinalee.co/contact  or just click the link on today’s shownotes.

The course will launch this year, and you will get a lot of cool benefits as a founding member.

You can also reach out to me on the same link, if you have questions about my one-on-one coaching, or have any thoughts or questions about my podcast.

And please subscribe on iTunes, Google podcast, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and I’ll be back next week with another episode. Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a great week!